Frightened of Dying

Yes, I used to feel the same and I wonder if its because you have young children.  When my children were small I was completely phobic about it,because every newspaper and magazine was full of stories of mothers dying young and leaving their children.  It isn,t something that goes away completely, but I'm sure you'll find that when your kids have grown up a little it will get easier.

Do you think maybe you suffer from depression too?  I think perhaps if you told a doctor they may be able to help you. Hope you soon feel better. Love and Light.

Hi angel1 thanks for the reply.  Funny you mention about it maybe being because I have young children your not the first person to mention that.  I think it probably is a big factor in my fear.  Also you mentioned depression, I have suffered with depression for years on and off I have just started on anti depressants again so hopefully will kick in soon.  Your right about magazines every story I seem to read is about young mums dying of Cancer or other life threatening illnesses which sets me off thinking if it can happen to them it could happen to me.  Deep down I know I shouldnt be thinking like that hopefully the antidepressants will help me.  x

glad to hear you've been to the doctor.  I'm sure anti depressants will help a lot, although if you're anything like me you are probably a born worrier (nothing we can do about that unfortunately) I think you will find this site full of kind and sympathetic people who will be more than happy to talk. Love

Hi Sonban,

  I'm also a born worrier and worry about things like this....some stories in magazines I can't read cause i'll end up worrying about them. I also get worried when someone close to me is ill, I always always think it's something serious. I've been on anxiety tablets in the past and found they have helped but over time I just tend to push these thought to the back of my mind and stop dwelling onthem. Easier said than done sometimes. Hope your feeling better and hope it helps to know your not the only one to feel like this at times

  Kay xx

I know how you feel, i'm 29 and my fear of dying is totally off the charts, it started when i was 12 yrs old and has gradually got worse, i think in the last 17 yrs i've only slept about 3 hours a night, i'm fine during the day with not a care in the world but come bedtime i hit panic mode big time. when i have mentioned it to people they just dismiss it like it's a childish fear. i have a very active life with plenty of friends so for myself i know it's not depression. i can't really say what the fear consists of the most, dying or being dead.

so i can honestly say i know what you are talking about.

xxxx

Its mad isnt it I am glad I am not the only person who fears death but on the other hand I hate that other people feel like this too as its an awful feeling.  I know what you mean about feeling ok during the day and panicing at night, I do exactly the same.  some people are understanding about it but others are like get over it were all going to die at some point.  I know that we are all going to die at some point if it were that easy to get over it I would. everybody is individual and everyone has there own fears about one thing or another, mine happens to be death.  I am not sure exactly what it is that scares me, actually dying or fear of the unknown eg afterlife is there one, or leaving my family or all of the above.  Sorry for waffling just trying to get it off my chest. xxx

If it helps, death isn't frightening, only the thought of how it will feel. I dreamed of a death in another life and lost my fear the moment it happened because I am back.

Would it be worth using some aromatherapy oils as well? Rose and ylang ylang are very good for reassurance, patchouli is good for depression, juniper is very good for banishing negativity and restoring balance. They can be used in oil burners, or maybe four drops of one oil added to a bath, or two drops on a tissue left under the pillow helps sleep.

Hi sonban

I cant say that I fear dying - its not something I think about to be honest, but last year mygrandmother passed away following an operation. The operation was originally schedulded for a Friday and my grandfathers anniversary mass was on the Sunday. Her operation was cancelled on the friday and eventually went ahead on the Saturday. On the saturday night her health began to fail and she eventually passed away on the Sunday morning just as my grandfather anniversary mass was on.

Maybe it was just coincidence she passed at the same time as the mass (if the operation had gone ahead on the friday, she would have passed on saturday), but I firmly believe my grandfather came to meet her and take her home when she passed. 

Whatever fear I might of had of dying has now been replaced with the comforting thought that i (we) will be meet with our loved ones when the time comes and there is nothing to fear.

i know what its like, i have a fear of dying i awlays have!! it scares the hell out of me!!

sometimes i belive im going to get a brain tuma like my dad did and died 2-3 days after i wa born....soi knw what you are going through!!!

Hi to all who have written on this subject.  OK I admit it, I'm another one.  I've feared death and also any type of illness since I was a child.  As soon as I felt myself coming down with something  I'd start to panic - about being ill then about if it was going to turn into something you'd die from.  As an adult, I was so bad at one time that I couldn't cycle past our local hospital, I had to get off the bike and push it past the building as my legs had turned to jelly and I'd be shaking so much I couldn't turn the pedals round.  I've had counselling several times and anti-depressants a couple of times, but the fear is still there.  Some of the counselling helped as I can walk past the hospital without my legs giving way.  I had to meet a counsellor at home and talk about the fear, I then had to meet her at the doctor's surgery and sist in a waiting room, then progress to a doctor's room, then a hospital waiting room, then sit on a couch in a hospital room, I felt a right idiot, especially as I was probably in my mid to late thirties then.  I found the anti-depressants didn't help much, and one lot caused more problems than they cured, but they seem to be effective for some people.  Don't know if you can inherit the fear, as my grandmother and g grandmother on Mum's side feared hospitals and my Dad does as well.  I had to have counselling again after Mum died about 4 years ago.  I put up with it for over a year then had to give in and go to the doctor, as I was almost falling asleep at work and even walking along the road because I'd been having about 3 hrs sleep a night and it was catching up with me.  I still have the fear that I'm going to get what Mum had (Alzheimers and bowel and liver cancer) and come close to having a panic attack if I can't remember something or get an odd twinge somewhere.  I'm petrified of anything at all vaguely medical and the thought of what tests a hospital would do to diagnose any illness is almost as terrifying as dying of something.

I am childless by choice, so the fear of leaving children behind is not a factor as it is with some of you.

I know this sounds silly, but as a child I had the idea that I must be very rich before I died.  Mum and I would often take a short cut through the churchyard to visit my Nan.  The churchyard contained some huge white marble monumental tombs, and my Mum said you'd have to be very rich to afford one like that.  For some unknown reason I had this weird idea in my head when I was very young that when you died you had to dress in black and lived in long tunnels under the churchyard.   I thought how awful it must be to be shut away under the ground and never see daylight again, or if you were very tall not be able to stand up properly.  The monumental tombs however were very tall and had metal grilles set into the sides, so I thought that at least you'd be able to stand up straight and see some daylight coming in.  I'd need to be very rich before I died then, I decided, because as I dislike the dark there was no way anyone was going to shut me away down those tunnels.  I told my parents about this as an adult and they said something like "Oh you nit, where on earth did you get that idea from?"  I haven't a clue, but I shall have to live for ever as I'm still not rich.

Incidentally, is anyone afraid of reincarnation as well?  The idea that you go to the spirit world and it's all lovely, then you have to reincarnate and go through it all again fills me with dread.  Especially if you have a reasonable life this time round and get an awful one next time and suffer horribly. 

Love and light.

Rozanna x

Hi to all who have written on this subject.  OK I admit it, I'm another one.  I've feared death and also any type of illness since I was a child.  As soon as I felt myself coming down with something  I'd start to panic - about being ill then about if it was going to turn into something you'd die from.  As an adult, I was so bad at one time that I couldn't cycle past our local hospital, I had to get off the bike and push it past the building as my legs had turned to jelly and I'd be shaking so much I couldn't turn the pedals round.  I've had counselling several times and anti-depressants a couple of times, but the fear is still there.  Some of the counselling helped as I can walk past the hospital without my legs giving way.  I had to meet a counsellor at home and talk about th efear, I then had to meet her at the doctor's surgery and sist in a waiting room, then progress to a doctor's room, then a hospital waiting room, then sit on a couch in a hospital room, I felt a right idiot, especially as I was probably in my mid to late thirties then.  I found the anti-depressants didn't help much, and one lot caused more problems than they cured, but they seem to be effective for some people.  Don't know if you can inherit the fear, as my grandmother and g grandmother on Mum's side feared jhospitals and my Dad does as well.  I had to have counselling again after Mum died about 4 years ago.  I put up with it for over a year then had to give in and go to the doctor, as I was almost falling asleep at work and even walking along the road because I'd been having about 3 hrs sleep a night and it was catching up with me.  I still have the fear that I'm going to get what Mum had (Alzheimers and bowel and liver cancer) and come close to having a panic attack if I can't remember something or get an odd twinge somewhere.  I'm petrified of anything at all vaguely medical and the thought of what tests a hospital would do to diagnose any illness is almost as terrifying as dying of something.

I am childless by choice, so the fear of leaving children behind is not a factor as it is with some of you.

I know this sounds silly, but as a child I had the idea that I must be very rich before I died.  Mum and I would often take a short cut through the churchyard to visit my Nan.  The churchyard contained some huge white marble monumental tombs, and my Mum said you'd have to be very rich to afford one like that.  For some unknown reason I had this weird idea in my head when I was very young that when you died you had to dress in black and lived in long tunnels under the churchyard.   I thought how awful it must be to be shut away under the ground and never see daylight again, or if you were very tall not be able to stand up properly.  The monumental tombs however were very tall and had metal grilles set into the sides, so I thought that at least you'd be able to stand up straight and see some daylight coming in.  I'd need to be very rich before I died then, I decided, because as I dislike the dark there was no way anyone was going to shut me away down those tunnels.  I told my parents about this as an adult and they said something like "Oh you nit, where on earthe did you get that idea from?"  I haven't a clue, but I'll have to live for ever as I'm still not rich.

Incidentally, is anyone afraid of reincarnation as well?  The idea that you go to the spirit world and it's all lovely, then you have to reincarnate and go through it all again fills me with dread.  Especially if you have a reasonable life this time round and get an awful one next time and suffer horribly. 

Love and light.

Rozanna x

 Although I wouldn't wish this fear on anyone it's such a relief to know I'm not alone.  I've never spoken to anyone about it.  It's worse at night when there are no distractions and sometimes thinking about it literally takes my breath away. 

Thank goodness there are other people out there who are scared of the same things I am! I feel so scared of having to go to the Doctor in case I get sent to the hospital and am diagnosed with something horrible which would involve painful and prolonged treatment.  I honestly don't know which is the most frightening, that or dying.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and although I feel sympathy for you it's good to know I'm not alone in my strangeness. Lots of love.

Thank you so so much for all your replies. Im really glad I started this thread now not that I would wish this fear on my worst enemy or on anyone at all, but Im glad im not alone.  And feel good to know that we can talk to each other about it on here.

Hi

I know how you feel to some extent, when i was younger i had a major fear of dying, and to 'not exist' the unknown is very scary. I am in my early 20s now and due to my beliefs over the past 6 years or so i didn't feel scared about dying anymore for myself as i believe in an afterlife and 'this is not it' type of thing. The problem came about again when I lost my mum at 18, and thinking that there was nothing beyond this life was too painful for me and still is. Since then I have had evidence that she is around me, so don't feel anxious for her like i used to.

I'm sure you will stay healthy and watch your children grow up, be comforted by the thought that we will all meet our loved ones again whatever life path we are on on Earth. Try relaxation techniques as mentioned above, and maybe a local spiritualist church, to get your own ideas of what happens when we reach the end of our lives. Faith can bring great comfort if you feel it's something you want to explore.

L&L

Hi all,

I've been reading your posts on dying, please take it from one who knows that death is  just the end of our physical existence on this earth. We are beings full of energy and energy cannot be destroyed it's broken down and converted back into energy. We go back to our existence on the spirit plane. I know this for a fact.

For many years I worked as a nurse and I worked with life and death on a daily basis. It was during my nurse training years that I learnt most of I need to know about death from a handful of patients of all ages. There was Gene a leukaemia patient aged 4 who died at 5years of age, Wendy who was the same age as me in 1981 aged 19years old and died from an invasive tumour affecting her eye she at the age of 21, Elton who was a cancer patient died aged 17 years old, Anthony E a leukaemia patient who I nursed for many years before he died aged 17 years and Anthony C a 46 year old leukaemia patient who died aged 46.

As a young nurse you can't but help to get emotionally attached as most of the above patients suffered for many years and was in and out of hospital. However it was little Gene who after a red cell transfusion and lumbar puncture early one morning when it was still dark who told me his story. I made a milky coffee which he loved and sat with him in his isolation cubicle and he asked me if I believed in spacmen? I told him I hadn't ever seen a spaceman. He told me he had and they wore shiny silver suits and he was taken by them to have a look around in their spaceship. He also said that they would be taking him on a long journey. I asked if he would be coming back, Gene nodded and said he would be back to see Scott, his older brother and his baby sister.

But at that time Gene didn't have a baby sister which I thought was odd but didn't say anything.

I then went off duty for a whole week as I had been on nights for 10 nights. When I returned I found out that Gene had been transferred to Birmingham Children's hospital where he died.

Throughout my nursing career I have often had experiences which defies all rational explanantion such as patients who used to walk past me in the hospital corridors when I was going on duty or off duty, day or night, I would ask them where they would be going but would often get no reply. I would then go to their ward to inform the head nurse who I had seen and always shocked to find that the patient I had seen had actually died it would either be within 10 minutes since they had died. This has happened to be a number of times and I always used to see them as a solid person but when I recalled them I could only see through them.  There are other things that have happened to me but they are too numerous to list. I just wanted to let all of you know who are afraid of death or dying that death is only a transition of our life concluded here on this earth and marks the beginning of the next stage whatever that maybe.

LnL,

Demi x

Hi Demi, just wanted to say wow, what amasing wonderful experiences you have had, although very sad, it just goes to prove there is no such thing as death, the soul lives on in another realm.

You know what Demi, your like an Earth Angel.

Love & Light to you

xx

Hi Angel Light,

Thank you for the beautiful compliment but my journey hasn't been a particular easy one. What makes Gene so special is that he was going to come back and see Scott his older brother, and I'm sure he's still doing that but months after Gene's death I heard through my nursing colleagues that Gene's mum was expecting a baby, I later heard that baby was in fact a girl just as Gene said to me.

I too, have been a patient and was seriously ill as a child, I had a brain tumour but survived. Two other boys with me on the same ward as me at the same time died. And there is a memory I have and it is one that validates that there is life, death and life.

I hope my post helps anyone with this type of fear.

LnL,

Demi x

Hi there,

I've been lucky & privalleged enough when sat in circle to be taken to the spirit world, the most lovely was when my dad came to meet me & took me up, the overwhelming feeling of love you feel is out of this world, its so peaceful & the colours and music I heard was wonderful too. Mind you when I said to my dad I wanted to stay I was brought back to earth with a bump straight back into my body. I have been there a few times and also watched over a scene in a hospital room as relatives sat with their loved one as he passed over into spirit. The halls of healing are lovely and the nurseries for the babies and young children & the gardens.

Blessings to you all

xx